Friday, February 22, 2008

A Campaign theme worthy of our times

You'll see...

Here for a moment is a glimpse of my plan:
All the kids will be happy learning things.
The wind will smell of wild flowers.
Nobody will whack each other about with nasty things.
All the room in the world.

I had to endure the Obama Hillary debate last night, if only because there wasn't a decent ball game on. It's depressing to think that there's another year of this on tap.
I'd love to see the banishment of political campaign advertisements from television. Legislation prohibits the advertisement of cigarettes liquor and firearms from television, but one of the most lethal and destructive elements of American society is given free rein to saturate the airwaves. I don’t want my kid watching this, any more than I’d let her watch one of the XXX videos I have stashed in the closet under the pile of clothes I never got around to washing.

When skies are blue we all feel the benefit.

Glimpse Number 2 for the listener.
Everyone will feel useful in lovely ways.
Trees will be firmly rooted in town and country.
Illness and despair will be dispensed with.

I love kids – mine, anyway. Others are tolerable to the extent they will shovel my driveway or mow my lawn at a fair price. I'm so fond of kids I think we should make sure that their teachers are with them for a full eight-to-five workday, 52 weeks a year - thereby ensuring that the temptations of afternoon drug use and casual sex will disappear. I think it’s high time our teachers joined the workforce full time, like the rest of us unwashed stiffs. After all, millions of card-carrying NEA members chanting "we only care about the kids" can't be lying, right? Allow me to clarify: I’m referring to the NEA that represents the folks who educate our youngsters, not to the NEA that awards grant money for works of art like "Piss Christ". Before I drift too far from the topic of politics I was once inspired by a photo of Hillary to propose a work I titled "Jism Bitch" but was unable to secure a grant. They said it was 'derivative'.

Before I stop, here's a last glimpse into the general future.
Home rule will exist in each home, forever.
Every living thing will be another friend.
This wonderful state of affairs will last for always.

Ted Kennedy’s been elected on this platform for – oh, about as long as I’ve been alive now. Amazing how well it still plays. Every time I drive the inadequate roads of the Commonwealth, ponder its crumbling schools staffed by glorified babysitters, or flush a turd into its billion-dollar sewage system which empties distilled water into a harbor filled with three hundred years of Puritan, Patriot and Brahmin shit, I marvel at Ted’s concern for the oppressed of the world. Maybe he can get elected to represent them someday. Until then, I propose that the $14 billion car wash in downtown Boston be renamed the "Rose Kennedy Deathway" in honor of those who gave their lives within it.

And finally, I must credit Ian Dury (R.I.P.) for his inspirational words reprinted here. "There ain't half been some clever bastards" indeed, but few of them as clever as he, and certainly not in Washington.